Question:

My son was a very sick infant and almost died of pneumonia at 9 wks old. I had been planning on getting him christened, but then he got so sick and we moved shortly afterward. So now he is 2, not christened or baptised. He had a bad blood infection at 11 mos and nearly died again. I felt awful as a mother because he had not been christened/baptised yet. I married dh a yr ago, he's in the military and we live at his base. He doesn't like organized religion so we don't go to church. He doesn't really have a problem with the Episcopal church, but we grew up in the South where religion was more 'fanatical' than anything. Basically the Bible was twisted to suit ppls backwards thoughts and if you didn't believe in such-and-such church you were doomed. I can't really say I blame him for his religious aversions now. We also don't have anyone to be the godparents. We're not really close to anyone here. I would like some more info before I talk to the base chaplain. I'm sure we'll have to go to church before they'll do it, which means some serious sweet talking to dh. But I really don't feel comfortable not having ds1 christened yet. What if he gets sick again?

Answer:

You bring up so many good points that are good to discuss . First and foremost, though, there is no urgency to get your children baptised. Even if they became sick, they are under God's special care. Jesus said of little children that they are an example to us of how to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. He called little children to him, and told us that little children have guardian angels in Heaven. Lack of baptism will not keep a child out of Jesus' loving arms.

Secondly, baptism and christening are the same thing. A person can be baptized at two months, or two years, or eight years, or eighty years. The priest or minister immerses the person in water -- or pours water on his head -- and says "I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit". God reaches out to the person who is baptized, and adopts them into God's family, the church. From then on, the person is a member of the whole Christian church, a child of God.

But, being adopted into another family, as happens in baptism, is a big deal. A family does things together: meets regularly over the family dinner table, plays together, works together, laughs and cries and prays together. Do you want to do those things? If not, baptism would make your child part of a family that you don't take part in. That would be a bit silly. If you *do* want to take part in the life of God's family -- and you are welcome, welcome to take part! You are part of that family, and without you the family is diminished -- then you should start getting involved in the church on a regular basis now. You don't need to wait for your husband to be ready: talk to the chaplain, join a women's group, go to services on a morning or lunch-hour when it doesn't interfere with your time with your husband.

If you really *don't* want to get involved with the church, that's fine too. The time may not be right for you yet. But, be honest about it, and don't bring your babies to a sacred ceremony that you don't intend to be a life-changing event. There is plenty of time for that when you're really ready for all it implies. Very few Episcopalian priests will perform a baptism, anyway, for a family that isn't committed to living a Christian life within the community of the Church. If what you want is a nice ceremony, however, the chaplain might be able to perform a prayer or dedication service that doesn't have quite the same level of obligation as a baptism. You will have to ask him, because that wouldn't be the normal thing for an Episcopalian. But we tend to be flexible.

If you do decide you want to go ahead with the baptism, and if the priest agrees to do it, he will probably assign you a congregational sponsor, to help you connect with the support community within the church and to guide you on your questions about what baptism means, so that you can instruct your children. The congregational sponsor is the only "godparent" actually required for the baptism. If you have other people you want to ask as well, you certainly may. They must be baptized Christians in order to make the promises they will be asked to make. It's nice for children to have that special bond with some extra adults in their life. That's another good reason why you might want to wait until you're participating in the life of the Curch: so you will know some people that you might want to ask to be godparents to your children.

Good luck. Remember, going to church is not an obligation, and not going is not a good way to "get back" at those twisted preachers of your past. Christianity is about forming a relationship with God; and then living out that relationship in the context of Christ's body, the church; as God's servant in ministering to those who stand in need of love and care. I hope you will hang around here, or on one of the other Christian boards, and continue to ask and discuss with us.

Regards,
 Pamela