Question:

I have a 5 week old, and I'm unsure of what to do about baptising him. I'm formerly a very devout Roman Catholic, and my 1st 3 children were baptised Catholic. DH calls himself Catholic, but doesn't practice, nor does he accept most of the teachings that set the RC church apart from other Christians. I have occassionally attended an Episcopal church, an feel very comfortable with the teachings. I really don't want to officially join a church (bad church affiliation experience - long story). I'm not sure what to do. I want my son baptised, and have considered doing it ourselves privately, but I guess we'd all feel better about it if it were performed in a church by a clergy member. Would it be disrespectful or inappropriate to ask to have him baptised in the Episcopal church? The pastor knows me a little and counseled me through my falling-out with the RC church. As I said, I'm not ready to join the church, and neither is dh, yet we'd raise our son with teachings that are the same as the Episcopal church teaches, just not necessarily as congregants.

Answer:

First of all, {{{{hugs}}}}. I know what it's like to have a bad experience with the Church that you love. I feel for you, and I can encourage you that inevitably, the Church will work out a way of healing the breach. Inevitably. It hasn't worked out a way to reconcile me and with me yet, but it's made steps.

Secondly, the Anglican (Episcopal) church *is* Catholic. 'Catholic' refers to the belief that there is one Holy Church which is the Body of Christ, and is the Whole Company of All Christian People through all times and places. (The opposite of Catholic is Congregationalist, which refers to the belief that the Body of Christ subsists in completeness in the local congregation *without* reference to other Christians in other times and places.) The Anglican church is not *Roman* Catholic, in that it doesn't recognize the authority of the Bishop of Rome over other Bishops.

This means that to our understanding, people aren't baptized "Catholic" -- they're simply baptized Christian. The Roman Catholic authorities recognize that, too. If your children are baptized in an Episcopal church, it will be considered a valid baptism by the hierarchy of your own church. It also means that you and your DH *can't* "join" the Church, because you're already members of it. The way one joins the Church is by baptism. Incidentally, we also recognize the validity of your Confirmation, so you're a full adult member of the Church.

Baptism is the means by which one becomes "a member in Christ, a Child of God, and an inheritor of the Kingdom of Heaven". That is to say, it's about becoming part of a family. So your instincts about not doing it yourself are sound. Although any baptized Christian can, in time of need, baptize, they do it as members of the communion. Since you experience your communion as being broken, and performing the baptism yourself would underscore and perpetuate its brokenness, it would be dishonest to do so.

If the Episcopal priest is willing to do it, then yes I definately think you should have your son baptized by him. You should also attend church regularly with your child -- whether you want to consider yourself as a member of that parish or not, whether you want to seek a formal reception by the Anglican church or not. You will have to decide for yourself how you feel about taking communion in the Episcopal church. We will certainly welcome you at the table; as I said we consider you a full member of the church and see no bar whatsoever. Your church hierarchy, however, doesn't acknowledge our orders, and considers our Sacrament to be a false sacrament. Communing with us may deepen the rift with your own communion -- and it would be dishonest if you yourself consider our Sacrament false. If you choose not to commune, in the light of the basic theology that the Sacrament of Communion is the fundamental action by which we constitute ourselves as the People of God, you'll have to figure out how to explain to your children that kind of participation-without-participation in the Body of Christ. The priest should be able to help you work through these issues.

The status of "sojourner" is an unfortunately real one in todays church: Christians who love and are loyal to their own communion but for reasons of the fallenness of human nature and the reality of sin even within the church, are unable to participate in their own communion. We become refugees, seeking pastoral care and shelter among another communion. I am a sojourner among Lutherans, despite my deep love for the Anglican Church. Experiencing the sojourner's role has made me more compassionate to refugees and other disenfranchised persons. It is a gift, to come closer to those of our Lord's "little ones" who have no rights and no power-structures to protect them. And it is a great gift, to experience the generous hospitality of people who know that our loyalties lie elsewhere. And it is a promise of faith, that the brokenness will not last for ever.